the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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