Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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