I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
