just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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