I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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