i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
