Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm getting married
To pizza
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
