im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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