Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
