So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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