I love black thongs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
