At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
