hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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