hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just pee around me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
