Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this will be a night to untag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
