1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
