Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you traded sex for a burrito?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
