Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
