I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
whose parrot is this?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who died my cat blue again?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
