Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my fart just growled at me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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