hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
