Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
