I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
