your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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