idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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