Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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