we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
