Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So much Jack, so little girl.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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