My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
