My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
