You're my little dorito
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Barsexuality is the new black.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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