she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
