Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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