babies were throwing up all over the place
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
