My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
