Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
