You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
