I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
