I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stole a fireplace last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
