she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
