My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
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Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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