You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
smell my finger.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
