I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
