Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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