Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
