never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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