so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
