She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
