I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize