Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was like eating out sand paper
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
