you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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