Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
