i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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