Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
