he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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