hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
