I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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