in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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