Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
