if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
