I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
