Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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