My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
