M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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