I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
