as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
