I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
