Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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