Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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