you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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