I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
